But a man must examine himself

1 Corinthians 11:28

Sometimes the way to intimacy is counterintuitive.  In a very real sense emotions are vital to any level of intimacy because it is through the emotions that we understand the values and thus the heart of the person. 

In order to get to know others intimately we must first do the hard work of understanding and taking responsibility for our own emotions. The place intimacy begins in any relationship is within the individual first and then and only then, once we are clear of who we are, do we know what we bring and don’t bring to the relationship. To the degree you know yourself, to that degree can you know someone else. 

We think that in order to get to know others, what we think or feel doesn’t matter, it is all about getting to know them. So we discipline ourselves and try to understand them, but because we have no personal reference point (our own feelings give us a human reference point) we often don’t ‘get’ them and they don’t feel understood and the relationship grows stale. 

Even in our relationship with God, if you don’t understand the way He made you, what your needs are, why you are hurting or the effects of sin on our inner world, we will have no real basis for a relationship with God because He longs to met those needs but we don’t recognize what He is doing. 

God makes Himself vulnerable to us by giving us a very clear inside look at His emotional world. He tells us clearly in His-story what makes Him angry, jealous, indignant and so much more. He knows Himself intimately and expects us to know ourselves intimately. 

The unexamined life is not worth living and brings nothing to an intimate relationship.

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